Rites of passage.

Yesterday, the nesting instinct kicked in so badly that I found myself digging through my kitchen cupboards looking for pots and pans to scour. The problem with that is my belly is so big that I can't get up close enough to the sink. Imagine the look of shock/horror/amazement as Chris walked into the kitchen to find me sitting on the counter top, feet in the sink, scrubbing my wok with steel wool. I'm about as inclined to scrub pots as Nicole Richie is to eat a cheeseburger, so I'm just glad Chris didn't assume I'd been Body Snatched and try to beat up the Alien Replacement Nik. That would have only made a bigger mess. Which I would have cleaned. With my toothbrush. Instead, Chris found a nice, non-offensive way of insinuating that I had finally lost my last marble, and offered to finish the job. I told him I'd rather finish the job myself, and I meant it, and delegated him in charge of cleaning the top of the fridge.

Other joys of pregnancy have started manifesting themselves this week, such as colostrum and leg cramps. For fear of treading into the murky waters of T.M.I., pretend like I never said "colostrum". That leaves us at leg cramps. Ok, ok, I would probably want to retaliate too, were I a calf muscle. I understand, they're way overworked lately. They're hauling around all that extra weight, I should expect a rebellion. Through both prior pregnancies, I was tortured with middle-of-the-night leg cramps. If you've been unlucky enough to have one, you might remember it as being excruciating, because that's how I think back on them. I have been waiting in silent fear for one to strike since the second I found out about this pregnancy, and last night marked the first attack from my otherwise very trustworthy calves. My muscle is still aching!

Because I am constantly trying to change the way I filter things into a more positive light, I now present to you the silver lining:

At least I am not in the .5% of women who develop a THIRD NIPPLE during pregnancy! Nah, don't bother re-reading that last sentence, you did have it right the first time.

And people, it can happen to anyone, although it is more common during pregnancy. For those of you with no sympathy for myself or my fellow incubators, I hope you all grow nipples on the bottoms of your feet. Because it can totally happen, see? (There's even a picture, that's how much I love my readers.) My gift to you! Free of charge! Now have a great day.