One hundred days to a pregnant woman is like ten thousand years.

Last night at our florid feast, Chris and I were presented with wine, compliments of the house. I had about five sips. Chris had about five glasses. "Are you sure this doesn't bother you, honey?" he kept asking. I insisted that he drink it, because after all, we were only there to celebrate his general Kiss Assery. Also, the way I was raised is that you always finish your alcohol- there are starving children in China, for pete's sake. Chris gets A+'s as far as taking care of me goes, so the way I see it is that the man can have whatever the hell he wants. (Lucky for me, he just wants an occasional cocktail and some lovin', and not a Ferrari and Colombian cocaine.) Suprisingly, I don't get jealous watching him drink. Maybe because he's sexy as hell. Maybe because I'm living vicariously through him? Maybe it's because throughout our courtship, he was always the designated driver and I owe him a couple nights of relaxing. I think the real reason, though, is that if I'm going to keep on using the "Eating For Two" defense, he gets to use the "Drinking For Two" one.



More often than not, strangers will initiate Chris and I in conversation about the baby and her due date. We tell them she's coming in July, and after their eyes bulge out of their heads when they see the size of my belly, they usually make some kind of response about July being here before we know it. Well, that's just not the freaking case. I was checking my progress online today and made an audible noise of malcontent when I saw "100 days left!" on my countdown. Not that I'm in any hurry to go through the anguish of childbirth, but 100 seems like a very large number to me. One hundred days of peeing every hour? One hundred days of getting pummelled from the inside out? ONE HUNDRED DAYS UNTIL WE CAN SHARE A BOTTLE OF WINE? Yesterday, we had that very exchange with a stranger, who tried to get off the hook with the ole "Oh, these last three months will go by so fast!" and I would have said "Not fast enough!" but I was chewing. Chris beat me to the reply and said, "Oh yeah, July is almost here!"

I did one of those slow-motion turns of my head until I was glaring at him dead-on. "NO IT ISN'T!"

Chris: "Uh... what?"
Nik: "Whaddaya mean, 'July is almost here'? EASY FOR YOU TO SAY!!! JULY IS NOT ALMOST HERE! I AM NOT ANYWHERE CLOSE TO BEING DONE!..."

...and I'm not quite sure it ended there.

Cheers, Chris. DRINK UP. Lord knows you've earned it.

(I monster love you. Thank you for tolerating me...)